My elderly father just yells at me and I do everything since my mother is ill.

Female that is 50 years old & living with both elderly parents and I'm doing everything because my father of 86 years can't do anything and my mother of 85 years old is constantly getting sick and doesn't want to do anything anymore. I feel very unappreciated and today my father just yelled at me. Me and my son live here with them because they can't be by themselves.

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Look at trying to get some outside help as well you have your son to think about.

I am so sorry. My dad bounces between thanking me and then showing no appreciation...like when I'm up all night trying to get him comfortable. I agree...get some help and make some good memories for you and your son. Tell your dad when he is disrespectful you will not engage in answering, helping, or being around him. It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Take care of yourself!

I would imagine he feels powerless to help the woman he loves. This doesn't excuse this behavior but it could explain why he yells. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging and ask about in home services and support groups. Being a caregiver is a difficult job, you also need to care for yourself or you won't be able to care for your mother. Maybe your father could read, talk to or listen to music with your mother; this way he won't feel totally useless. Talk with him, tell him how you feel and look for solutions. I commend you for taking on the caregiver role, not everyone can be a caregiver. Good luck

Lots of good advice already shared here. I would emphasize the suggestion that you establish clear boundaries with dad; if you start verbally abusing me, I leave the room, stop our dialogue, etc. You have to be 100% consistent with this action and work through a probably difficult transition period, but hopefully he will begin to change. Secondly, the idea of hiring outside respite help if you can will not only give you and your son a much needed break to leave your home, but your dad may respond quite differently and positively to an unrelated caregiver. Involving dad in the recruitment and selection of such a person will not only help to ensure you've got good chemistry there, but it will also give dad some personal power and control over his challenging situation. All the best with everything, you are awesome.

Your profile indicates that you're taking care of your mom who has depression. I have found it to be rare when parents of the age that you speak don't have some form of impairment. Depression itself can lead to symptoms that look like to mention and there can be a nutritional basis for both depression and dementia. It's importance to get your mom evaluated, even by way of bribery or subterfuge. If her current Dr doesn't want to cooperate with that program, find another doctor. Your dad's behavior definitely sounds like some kind of current condition or pass personality disorder. All the reasoning with and boundary setting in the world is not going to get through to a person who is blocked or impaired. He needs medical evaluation as well. The fact that you don't include him in your profile gives me the clue that you don't really think anything is wrong with him. And yet, from your description of his behavior, that's probably not true.

So what's your question? Either you stay or go. So your father yells at you. It won't be the first time someone was yelled at. Get your mother to the doctor to assess her mental/emotional well-being as she might be depressed. Get your dad assessed too for dementia-like symptoms. If you are in your 50s your son must be in his 30s. He can handle yelling I believe. How old is he? If he is young, then that is a different story. Either way, you decide whether or not you can continue to live in this situation.

It'd help if your profile, besides depression on your mother's part, specified what their ailments are. Until you get a place of your own or decide to stop taking __ from either one of them, I guess you'll be a door-matish, live-in maid. But have them evaluated as Ferris suggested. In the meantime, both you and your son should do a Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men and train Daddy to "ask nicely." He yells, walk away or ignore him. He'll get the hint.

... Or have a royal fit complete with name-calling, ranting, and raving. ... Let him.

Leave. Be absent go away. You have the upper hand, they don't realize it. Show term. Negotiate your position to where u want it, or don't go back.

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